Being the Best

He put his phone aside just for a second. While he was waiting at the car seat, he was checking his emails on his phone. Then he found himself surfing at social media. He looked at his rear view mirror and he got surprised when he saw himself. He did not look like the man he knew. Actually he was there to pick up his kid from the course. English, math, piano, basketball course. He just thought something when he saw the laughing kids coming out from the course. Is he raising a new racing horse? 

He watched them for a while. Now he was looking at some of the children and saw how different they looked. It was as if they didn't need anyone to like or appreciate them. But there were some children who were doing backflips so that someone would say "well done" to them. Then he thought about his own childhood. “I wonder how I was” he thought.

From the past, he constantly gave himself homework and improved his progress in life. What he did had to always be the best. Could it be a heritage from his father because his father always worried about ‘’being the best’? 

When he was a child, he always wanted people to caress his head and like his work. But neither his mother, nor his father did show their love so easily. But one day, he came first in his class in an exam in primary school, and his father told his friends and family about this for months with a bright smile on his face. That time he felt caressing on his head and loved. After that he kept on trying to be successful. If he was the best, his father's face would shine like the moon, but when he came second, there was no joy, no pride... He always tried to come first so that his father would love him. And it was not limited just with school. He has now grown up and graduated from university. He wanted to be the best and be perfect in everything, from the repairs he made to the projects his name was mentioned in, from his driving to his fatherhood.

His father passed away. But he inherited the saying “you must be the best”.

His father was a good man. He has been loved and respected by his neighbors. He was known for his smiling face, respectful attitude and not exceeding his boundaries. But it seemed like Onur wasn't the only one with that sincere style of talking. Whatever he did, his father would always find some fault in him.

And Onur kept hearing that saying inside his head… Whatever job he did, even if he did a very good job, the voice inside his head would say “It would be better if you did it in this way. This part is not good enough…’’

In the past, he did everything so that his father would like it...

Now why was this effort?

When he was young, he always had the energy to do better, but now he was tired. Everyone was doing the equivalent of a job he was doing, with almost half the effort. Even though he was twice as tired, there was very little difference in the work done.

Who should like us?

In the past, he wanted his father to like it, but now he didn't seem to have that problem. But he had recently conducted a project and was very upset when his boss criticized him. With the disappointment, he started to think again. Maybe he was really looking for an answer to this tiredness and exhaustion in his mind. The last time he was helping his wife set the table at home, the table setting he made was not appreciated. He felt sad, saying, "Is there a man in the country who helps with the table? I'm both helping and being criticized." As he thought about it, he started to remember his mother's criticisms.

It was as if they liked everyone in the world, but they didn't only like her.

Then why? he asked himself.

All the energy he spent to be liked was draining him, and he was gradually turning into an unhappy and grumpy person. In his youth, everyone loved his energetic, lively and motivating ways. It wasn't like that anymore. And for this very reason, he could hardly finish even half of the work he set out to do. Was he determined or ambitious? 

His striving for perfection brought him more failure than success. Understanding all these makes Onur feels better. ‘’At least’’ he said ‘’I was the one who was making me unhappy, not he others’’

One of the things he embraced most in life was, perhaps, one of the best values his father gave him: "No one can change anyone, but everyone can only change themselves." 

Is the meaning of being the best, being the first everywhere?

"If I feel bad about myself, there is a solution," he said.  He evaluated his own life and received a transfer of experience. Maybe being the first is not the best thing? Maybe being better than your past was good enough for today.

While she was evaluating the results, her child got into the car. He turned to her and smiled. He decided at that moment where he would begin his transformation.

                                                                          

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Experiential Design Teaching is a knowledge community that produces strategies for designing our future based on past experiences.

It offers methods for people to have happier, more successful and better relationships.

The following programs "Who is Who", "Mastery in Relationships" and "Success Psychology" Programs contribute to achieving this goal.

All the transferred knowledge in Experiential Design Teaching consists of truthful information and is valid at all times, in all aspects, and for all mankind.

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