SIX MINUTES TO MIDNIGHT

Lately it had been a habit of mine waking up in the middle of the night. I remember the times when I was much younger. I couldn’t sleep and wake up during the night because the following day was either my birthday or traditional holidays. I would wake up with excitement, thinking of the presents I would get or the money I would collect from mom and dad, relatives or neighbors, by kissing the hands of elders basically. 

My parents taught me to be responsible at a very young age so most of the toys I had were still in good shape. My little brother who is much younger than I am, he played with them too for long time. I also saved most of the money I collected during those traditional holidays for my school essentials. 

I remembered waking up during the night before my latest job interview almost 10 years ago, how I was excited and couldn’t go back to sleep immediately. I had to wonder around the house for a while to calm myself down. 

After starting work, as I worked hard and I had limited time to sleep, I couldn’t waste a minute of my sleep because I needed it more than ever. I guess I was sleeping deeply due to tiredness but also due to the next day’s responsiblities at work, so I couldn’t afford to wake up in the middle of the night and wonder around.   

As a grown up, we don’t get as excited about birthdays anymore I guess because it reminds us of getting older maybe but other excitements take it’s place for sure. Anyway that’s what happened to me. 

I was almost 30 years old. I don’t remember how years passed so fast. I was now a senior consultant in the company where I had been working for many years. I proved myself to be a hard working and trustworthy person. My colleagues respected me and I was our boss’s favorite, they would say. This only made me feel more responsible and to work harder. 

It was in one of our in-house trainings where I met her. She joined the company almost two months ago she said and was working in the finance department. 

During lunch breaks we started seeing each other more often and got to know each other better. 

She was the youngest in her family. They moved here to Istanbul last year. She was raised well, aware of her responsiblities as a child and as a grown up. She was smart and she had a very good personality. She was lively and had goals in life to be happy and successful and to help others.

 

On one of our Sunday breakfast rituals together with my family, I told my mom about her and she said she would love to meet her. I had a feeling they would like each other and get along well. 

My family liked her, she liked them too and from time to time she would join us for breakfast on Sundays. I also met her family and visited them occasionally. She had two sisters who were married and were living in Adana. 

As far as I knew them, her mom and dad were good people. Her mother was a house wife and her father owned a book store. We had long talks about business, economy,  unemployment and elections, the usual topics in the country basically. They were treating me well and I was respectful to them being careful about my behaviours.  

One day mom asked me to join her in our living room. My sisters and my brother went to bed early as usual. It was a school day tomorrow and they had to wake up early. They too were aware of their responsiblities and worked hard. 

Mom brought us herbal tea and started talking about dad, how they met each other and how they got married. I always felt that they were happy together with all the goods and bads, ups and downs throughout their marriage and I always wanted to have a marriage like theirs when the time came. They were a very good example to many people actually, married or unmarried. 

"After all marriage is a big responsiblitiy." mom was saying. I listened to her with all ears.    

My waking ups in the middle of the night lately, actually started after that long conversation we had with mom a couple of weeks ago. 

It was one of those nights. "Marriage is a big responsiblitiy." I repeated my mom’s words while sipping my water. Was I ready or even more important were we ready to take that responsiblitiy? Could we also manage things in marriage as we managed things at work? Raise responsible children as we raised responsible employees? 

I thought I needed my father more than ever. 

I looked at the alarm clock beside my bed, it was six minutes to midnight. A long night was waiting a head of me to find some real answers to real questions…